The Two Phase Launch Joke Fest
by redemption2
Summary: Laughs and tears abound as we make fun of the way the Impact Gundam launches in two parts. Enjoy this complete piece of randomness made in 1 hour. Obviously OOC.


The Two Phase Launch Joke Fest

By Redemption2

This is a spoof on Gundam Seed Destiny, I own none of the characters or mechs, but these jokes are mine and my friends' after seeing a clip.

For those of you that have seen Gundam Seed Destiny, you know that the Impact Gundam is launched in two waves, a jet unit with the pilot, which transforms into the upper body, and then they fire the second half. My friends and I have made the comment that the second phase is basically firing off the pants. This is a jokefest of that nature.

Shin Asuka awoke to the sounds of sirens blaring, although still very groggy. "The enemy!" He said as he buttoned up his uniform jacket. He ran down to the launch pad, getting some very odd looks from his crewmates as he passed.

As he climbed into the Impact Gundam jet section, the female population of the mechanic crew giggled. He initiated startup sequence as he put his helmet on. "This is Shin Asuka, I'm ready for launch."

The communications bunny, Meyrin Hawke, appeared in his communication's screen. "Understood, we've got a few enemy choppers and possibly some mass produced mobile suits out there, so be careful."

"Always am, so open up the doors and let me out into the world."

Another officer whispered into the girl's ear, and she blinked in surprise. "Um, Shin, are you sure you're ready to launch?"

"Of course I'm ready to launch, get on with it already. The enemy won't exactly wait for me you know."

She sighed. "Fine." The launch bay doors opened. "Impact launch, phase 1, Jet unit, cleared for launch!"

"Shin Asuka, here we go!" Shin hit the throttle and soon his jet was airborne. After a few moments he realized something wasn't right. He looked down. He was still in his boxers. "Aww man! I DON'T HAVE ANY PANTS ON!" Both enemy and friendly forces heard the transmission and started laughing hysterically. Two of the enemy helicopters crashed into the ground after the pilots had their sides split.

"It's not funny!" He snarled. "Can I please land and get my pants?"

Meyrin turned to the captain. The blonde haired woman shook her head. "Let's draw this out a little."

Meyrin got a scheming grin on her face as she turned back to her console. "Negative. We need you out there, it would take too long."

"Then what do you propose I do? This is very uncomfortable, you know!" Shin was getting VERY annoyed.

"We'll send it out to you in the second phase. We'll get someone to put it onboard. Where are they?"

"They're in…oh no."

"Shin?"

"They're in the washer. I fell asleep before I could put them into the dryer!" Another enemy chopper plummeted to the ground.

"Okay, we'll get someone to send it your way. We'll stow it in the cargo container."

"No way. They're all soggy. I'm not going to fight in damp pants!"

Everyone on both sides of the battlefield blinked, waiting for someone to capitalize on the wide open statement. Meyrin smirked slyly. "Oh really? You didn't say that when we were in bed last night." The Impact jet tilted to the left side as Shin flipped over in his cockpit. The entire crew laughed. The weaponsmaster accidentally slapped his hand on a button and launched rockets into two mobile suits, which exploded.

"Stop fooling around! I don't care what you do, just get them dry and send them!" Shin said as he recovered.

"Captain?" Meyrin turned again.

The captain smirked. "We'll do a little old fashioned laundry then." Meyrin blinked. "Have you ever heard of air drying?"

"Shin, we've got a solution that we're preparing." The red-head spoke to him over the radio.

"It better be a good one!" He said, venting his frustration on a chopper.

"Yeah, it'll work, just keep your pants on. Oh wait, nevermind." The girl said. Two mobile suits tipped over as their pilots lost control.

"I bet this never happened to Athrun." Shin muttered.

After two minutes, Shin's pants were attached to the docking hook on the second half of Impact. The boy was getting very impatient by that time. "Will you hurry up with that weapons pack! I'm getting a nasty draft!" Three enemy mobile suits inadvertently self-destructed.

"Underwear, ahem, I mean understood Shin. We're ready." Meyrin was enjoying this way too much.

"About damn time!"

"Yep, here comes your better half." Meyrin slid in another one. Shin flipped over in his cockpit again.

"Enough with the jokes already!"

The second phase of the launch was ready to begin. "Trousers, clear for launch!" By this time, the mechanics were rolling on the floor.

Impact's second part launched out of the linear catapult, with Shin's pants flapping in the breeze. Meyrin saw the captain in a salute. "Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"What? Oh." She smiled a very big grin. "I'm saluting his shorts." Meyrin broadcast it to the enemy and one mobile suit shot up two of its companions before disabling itself as the pilot went hysterical.

"Finally!" Shin activated the target designators and guided himself in.

Meyrin waited until just before he linked up before saying, "Enjoy your laser-guided sweatpants."

Impact Jet tilted to the side again and the link was canceled. "MEYRIN!" Shin was furious. He quickly re-established the linkup and once the docking clamps were in place, he opened up a hatch under his seat and pulled out the missing article of clothing, completely dry. He turned the ship to autopilot as he slipped them on and zipped them up. "Are you sure you gave me the right pair?"

"Of course it is, read the model number, Impact X-201A."

"I mean the pants!"

"Oh, those. Why? What's wrong with them?"

"They seem a bit tight."

"Hmm, guess we have a little shrinkage then." Meyrin smirked again. "Deal with it."

He looked down and examined his pants again. "Oh crap, I thought this stain came out!"

"What stain is that Shin?"

"The stain that I made after we…." He bit down on his tongue before he finished his sentence. He blushed.

"Still reminiscing huh? I guess I made a good impression the first time, and the second time, and the third time…." She was in happy tears from all the jokes.

"Oh wait…." He wiped his finger on the spot. "Oh, it's just oil." Four mobile suits deactivated and their pilots rolled out of the cockpits and splatted to the ground below.

Impact transformed into mobile suit mode and pulled out its gun. When it landed, Shin looked around. "Huh?" The helicopters were in flames, and the mobile suits were either deactivated, disabled, or in pieces. Not a single bit of the enemy force remained.

"Impact, return to ship." The Captain ordered.

"But…but…what about the enemy?"

She came up on his screen and shrugged. "At least they died laughing."


End file.
